How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
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My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
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we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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