My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
