its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
