i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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