I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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