Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
