I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Sext me about skeletons
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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