Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
