Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
