Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
