i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
