im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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