i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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