I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
