i wish my penis had a tongue
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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