Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Sacagawea was the original milf.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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