Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
