My first STD was from a foam party
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
