our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
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I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
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Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever