i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!