So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away