"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.