I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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