you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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