oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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