My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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