He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
