I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I smell like Dick and happiness
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
