where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
