I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
