Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
