I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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