I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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