he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
