i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
