i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
