she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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