Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
