Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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