it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
