I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
