She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
