Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
