I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
