So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
