I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
