I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
