yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
