Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
