some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
