so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize