I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
