Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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