It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
