I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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