There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
